Things started out a bit rocky because I was still struggling with my alcohol addiction and with my self-worth. Everything was always fine until I got wasted and then everything would crumble. I had a problem with drinking before I was 21 and it really changed who I was for the worse. It was the catalyst for my wicked past, for the things that I did that would always torment me. Jesus accepted everything I told him. I tried my best to stay honest with him but for me that wasn’t enough. I just didn’t feel like I had control of myself anymore and I was always afraid that I would ruin what we had. So when I got drunk, my head would swim with the thoughts of my past swirled with anxieties of future mistakes to come. The only thing I could think of was to leave him before the worst could happen but he managed to keep me from leaving. The mornings after I (of course) would vaguely remember what was said and I could only apologize, hoping he wouldn’t get tired of my outbursts. There were a few times I’m sure he wanted to give up and let go, still he put up with my drama.
I was also under a lot of stress from work and I was taking online classes to get my bachelors degree at the same time. Somehow we still managed to keep it together and in some ways we got closer because we shared a lot about our lives with each other. He started working with his father and that was yet another strain we had to deal with but we did. We would spoil each other and buy each other games, toys and whatever we thought would bring happiness. (He bought more stuff than I did ;) We even got matching PSPs! We hung out more with his friends and I was finally getting away from my old habits; except when we had our occasional parties at his dad’s house.
It seemed like everything was finally okay, I had a wonderful boyfriend, a good job and I was half way done with school! Then, something happened that changed us both forever. I was transferred to another GameStop and that made the drive to work a little better but before that I was noticing pains in my hands. I went to the doctor thinking maybe it was carpel tunnel from typing my fingers off at work but I was told it was arthritis. We couldn’t believe that so we went for a second opinion with another doctor. They did a few tests but were still trying to figure it out. I still managed to work at my new store until one Sunday after working extra hard in making sure all the distro was out and all the tasks got completed in the red book, I felt terrible! I don’t know how I even made it home that night but when I got there Jesus noticed the change in me. My feet and hands were so swollen and my entire body ached. The next day we went to the doctor again and they told me not to go to work until they said it was okay. I had to quit school as well and Jesus was even going to class with me just to help me out but I just couldn’t do it. I was put on medications that I couldn’t pronounce and slowly depression started sinking in. On top of all that my dog Raziel was sick and died. Jesus tried his best to keep me from losing it but it was too difficult since he was always working out of town.
I was getting worse physically, my body was in so much pain and my hands were starting to turn blue in the cold. I was seeing a specialist but he couldn’t figure out was wrong. All he did was give me Celebrex samples and take my copay. I just dealt with the pain as best I could. Then on Christmas Eve God gave me the best Christmas present ever! We took my niece to her house to get some extra clothes to spend the night and that’s when we found him. It was cold and rainy and he was drenched without a collar or a haircut. Jesus almost ran him over! Luckily he saw him in time and stopped. I asked Jesus if we could keep him and of course he said yes. As soon as I opened the door Shippo looked up at me then jumped into my Jeep. From then on Shippo was my Christmas angel that gave me hope and a bit of happiness through my pains.
January came around and I wasn’t released from the doctor to go back to work and GameStop wanted nothing more to do with me. So they let me go and I couldn’t get disability because I keep changing from Assistant Manager to 3rd key. By this time I was really sick, I was losing weight and I had no insurance. Jesus didn’t have any insurance either and it didn’t matter because we weren’t married anyway. All I could do was take Tylenol Arthritis and deal with the pain as much as possible. I felt like I was fading away and being a burden to Jesus. Nobody really knew how bad it was except for Jesus and I. He had to help me dress, help me into the bathtub and hear my crying spells. One night it got so bad that I asked him to put me out of my misery. But when I saw the look in his eyes even as he considered it just so I wouldn’t be in pain anymore, I knew it was selfish of me to ask that. After a few months I got my social security paperwork going so I can get disability. I also signed up for Carelink and that was the best thing I could have done.
Stress levels were at an all time high at his father’s because they were not getting along at work. Then they would bring the drama home and everyone was on edge. On top of all that, there were many outside forces against us all that were making living together unbearable. I couldn’t keep the housecleaning up as much anymore and I would have my mom come help me but that was not appreciated. Everything was getting out of control and I lost all patience when on Vicotin. We started going to church but at first that didn’t help either. The last Sunday I stayed with Jesus, we decided to go while my parents stayed at Jesus’ fathers to help us clean the house and yard. Miscommunication happened, and things were said. After church, like always, we were feeling great and then chaos hits. Jesus father calls me with his usual attitude and I finally lost it. I did not want to stay there at Jesus father’s anymore. When I make up my mind about something, no one can change it. I told Jesus I had enough of his father’s drama and I was moving back to my parents; if he still wanted me he could come get me or just leave me there. I couldn't take the stress anymore and it was making me feel worse. The next day I got almost everything I had and my family helped load it in a U-Haul then I was gone. I hated leaving Jesus like that but I didn’t want to put up with his father anymore. More than anything else, it seemed like Jesus' father was the cause of our arguments even as much as we tried to get along.
